2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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