I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
