Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
