my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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