this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Green mimosas i think yes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize