It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize