I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize