I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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