so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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