So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
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He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.