That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI