dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day