she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
