Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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