Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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