why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize