Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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