His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
