ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
