My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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