I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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