Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus