Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
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Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.