I hope mine doesn't look like that
it hurts more in the daytime
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?