im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...