I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy