I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.