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My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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