that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.