I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
