I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just found puke in my bra..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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