vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
porn star boner night. come get it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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