i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
