Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
