HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
