Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
