There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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