check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
