Ambien. No doubt about it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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