So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
