Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
