Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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