the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
