I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
