Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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