is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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