just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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