I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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