we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
