we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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