Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
