you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
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I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're breaking my sexual little heart