The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
COCAINE IS GR8
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.