Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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