like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
