i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
