I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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