Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
