This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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